


Embodiments of Love (EOL)

by eireneos



Series: Fate Written Across The Cosmos [1]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M, im sorry if i break ur heart, stop gyu from falling in love challenge failed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:07:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28106751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eireneos/pseuds/eireneos
Summary: Choi Beomgyu has always been curious about love. So imagine his surprise when he gets to encounter love five times, bringing him in an emotional ride full of adventure and realizations.or(Beomgyu's a hopeless romantic and fate is being mean)
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Beomgyu/Huening Kai, Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Series: Fate Written Across The Cosmos [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2099268
Comments: 38
Kudos: 105





	1. Ludus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song for this chapter: death by a thousand cuts - taylor swift

_"And what once was ours,_

_is no one's now."_

* * *

When it comes to love, beomgyu seems to have bad luck.

He had his fair share in the field of dating (tried blind dating twice and it ended really bad) but no one ever seemed to really spark his interest, until there was one.

_The first one he loved and the first love he lost:_

_Choi Soobin._

Beomgyu has always tried defining love. For him, love was waking up in the morning to the smell of coffee and fresh, deep fried donuts from the vendors selling nearby. Love was playing video games with taehyun, his best friend, during the weekends. Love was also warm hugs and forehead kisses from his mother whenever he pretended to sleep when he was still young. Love was delightfully being able to eat gummy bears, at any time of the day.

All of that is different though, beomgyu wanted to experience the type of love you see in the movies - the one that sweeps you off your feet, the first kiss that will blow your mind, and everything else that you usually watch from films.

Well, maybe he watched too many romantic movies with taehyun, but that’s besides the point.

He remained curious. He wanted to know how it feels to fall in love with someone and proudly proclaim what he feels at the top of his lungs. He wanted someone to be his other half, someone to spend his whole life (hopefully) with. Admittedly, if love was the ocean, he’d be willing to dive in deep with his arms wide open. He was willing to risk it all, as crazy as it sounds.

What he didn’t expect was love bumping into him on a monday - ten in the morning at the university cafe, spilling iced americano on his favorite sweater, but boy was love tall. Like, really really tall. Love also had purple hair, with deep dimples and a cute bunny smile.

Love was mesmerizing and thank the heavens for beomgyu being a true witness of such beauty. Yes, he has decided that Choi Soobin was now his definition of love.

After the coffee incident, the pair had bonded over bingsu, soobin being the one to pay of course, as an apology to beomgyu’s now ruined sweater. Beomgyu couldn’t care less about his sweater, what he really cared about was the stranger next to him, now a friend, who took his breath away the second he literally bumped into his life.

I guess this is what love feels like, being able to talk for hours without ever checking your phone. Beomgyu’s cheeks even hurt from all the laughing, but his heart was happy.

He was happy to be able to feel something as heart fluttering as Choi Soobin.

The day was coming to an end and both boys had to go back to their dorms. They bid their goodbyes, with soobin shyly asking for the younger boy’s number (of course, beomgyu immediately gave it to his hyung with no second thoughts).

As soon as he got inside his dorm, he immediately ran to his best friend’s room to tell him about his current endeavors. Taehyun was a bit annoyed by his hyung's sudden outburst, but Beomgyu still happily narrated the events of today.

As beomgyu kept talking, taehyun silently listened. The younger gradually smiled, seeing how cute his dearest friend is by happily meeting a 'cute' stranger, even if the sweater paid the price.

“I guess things like this don’t only happen in the movies huh, hyung? ” was Taehyun’s only reply.

After talking for a few more hours, Beomgyu fell asleep next to taehyun with a smile gracing his lips. _Oh to fall in love._

* * *

In a span of two months, soobin and beomgyu were able to be as close as they possibly could. They would annoy each other a lot and throw flirty responses as much as they could. Both boys used their free time to go on little adventures, which beomgyu all fondly treasured.

"Why the art museum of all places, hyung?" Beomgyu asked. This was the first place they went to, with soobin basically forcing beomgyu out of bed. It was a small art museum twenty minutes away from the university, both boys had exactly two hours to spare before soobin's class starts.

The boy in question turned around to face him, a dimpled smile greeting him. "I think today is a great day to admire art, most people fail to appreciate such beauty you know." _but you're the only masterpiece I see in this room, probably even my whole life._ Beomgyu thought.

"You must admire me too much to even consider me as art." Soobin teased. It was only then when beomgyu realized what he said out loud. The embarrassment that he felt was noticed by Soobin, softly laughing as he bumped the other's shoulder.

"Don't worry, I think you're a work of art too, choi beomgyu." Soobin shyly said. The statement made his heart do crazy flips inside his chest.

The painting in front of them was abstract, but if you look closely, it looked like young lovers wrapped in an embrace, with their pinky fingers entwined - a promise of their love. Both boys gently bumped each other's shoulders to annoy one another. Beomgyu stopped when he felt soobin brush the tip of their fingers - slowly linking their pinky fingers together.

* * *

Soobin also took beomgyu (much to his dismay) to a local library cafe. It wasn’t the type of place beomgyu would usually visit, but it's not as bad as he expected it to be. _I’d be willing to come here as often as I could if I get to spend every second and see love as how I see it now - leaning on a bookshelf, tightly holding a book on his hand and animatedly explaining the plot, bright eyes with the dimples on his cheeks on full display._

It was a moment that beomgyu wished he took a photo of, only being able to keep it in his memory as he was too busy enjoying the time spent with his hyung. He didn’t know that love could make you pay attention to every detail. Time seems like it is never enough whenever they're together, but he couldn't complain - he wishes to cherish every second he spends with Love.

Though, the aftermath of each day that he's with soobin, was the guilt creeping in his chest whenever he would come home to see his best friend alone on the couch - one which would quickly melt away with taehyun's soft smile and reassuring him that he’s okay with it. Taehyun is simply happy to see his best friend happy.

* * *

Soobin declared every Monday of the week as their bingsu day.

It was a ridiculous idea at first, when they went out one monday afternoon to eat bingsu as beomgyu lost a bet to soobin, a petty bet if you ask. So here they are, soobin happily munching on his bingsu, when beomgyu noticed the chocolate syrup smudged on soobin’s upper lip.

On instinct, beomgyu lifted a finger to wipe it away. The action shocked both boys as they felt it was a bit too intimate, especially with the feeling of both of their breaths close to each other. Before beomgyu can sheepishly pull away, Soobin jokingly bit beomgyu’s finger, with the younger screaming at his hyung. The tension-filled space was long gone, immediately replaced with both boys playfully biting and teasing each other.

Before they went their separate ways, soobin called beomgyu and said, “Hey gyu, let’s make every monday our bingsu day!”

"Hyung the weather this month is too cold to even consider such an idea!" Beomgyu yelled back. Soobin rolled his eyes and walked back to the younger. He held both shoulder's for emphasis and moved to pinch the younger's cheek - with beomgyu aggresively trying to swat the hands away.

"Do you think freezing matters to me, if the goal is to spend every monday together?" Soobin cutely asked.

and just like that, mondays are now exclusively spent for love and bingsu.

* * *

It was a friday and soobin wanted to go to a dog cafe, beomgyu on the other hand, wanted to stay inside his dorm to play video games. One, all it took was one pleading look from Soobin and Beomgyu was already out the door with a giggling bunny trailing behind him. _The things we do for love._

"Beomgyu, look! They're so adorable" Soobin cooed for the nth time to three dogs who were trying to gain his attention by climbing on soobin's lap.

The two were seated on the floor, with Beomgyu silently observing his hyung with a sweet smile on his face. "I think you're cuter, if only your attention was on me" Beomgyu teasingly said. Soobin's laugh was music to his ears.

"Awe does the baby need attention? If you bark I might consider." and so both boys ended up on the floor playfully wrestling each other, filling the cafe with a bright and loud atmosphere.

* * *

Beomgyu knows that love brings an immeasurable amount of happiness, but he didn’t know that the pain of love would feel twice as much. It has been months, and although he knows that choi soobin is his own understanding of love, soobin himself is truly difficult to read.

In beomgyu’s case, there are times where soobin would act either cold or indifferent towards the younger. Whenever they walk together on campus, soobin would distance himself from the younger, looking away before beomgyu could even react. Other times, soobin would leave in the middle of their little adventures either saying he has important things to do or he wants to head home as he feels too tired. Soobin also replies coldy through texts recently, it even got to a point where he doesn’t reply at all and it would go on for days.

The soobin that beomgyu bumped into the cafe before, is different from the soobin that he’s spending time with now. Some days are spent with playful and flirty soobin, other days are spent with the older avoiding beomgyu like a plague - but all his worries and doubts would simply fade away whenever he spends time with a happier version of soobin, before he could even address the problem to his hyung.

Both boys were having their bingsu monday, with their conversation turning into a full-blown debate about straws having two holes or one. Soobin was laughing, and beomgyu’s heart skipped a beat at such a wonderful sight. Oh how beomgyu would do anything, just to make his hyung happy every single day.

The younger was in a daze, openly admiring the purple-haired beauty. The two only knew each other for a short amount of time, but it felt like they've known each other ever since they were kids. Three words kept floating around his mind for awhile now. Like a flip of a switch, beomgyu blurted out the words that he has been dying to say out loud.

“Soobinnie hyung, I love you.” was what came out of beomgyu’s lips. The second that it got out, both boys went silent. The time somehow felt longer and the atmosphere of the cafe overall felt suffocating. They were sitting right next to each other, but the non-existent distance was like a mile away.

_So is this how it feels to admit what you feel when it comes to love? Love certainly did not look like this in the movies._

Soobin was looking at beomgyu, wide eyes and open-mouthed out of shock. Before the younger could even take back what he said, the next thing that happened was like a bucket of ice dropped harshly onto his head. “I’m sorry gyu, I- I never saw you that way.”

It kept repeating in his head over and over like a broken record. _I never saw you that way, I never saw you that way, I never saw you that way._

Soobin took Beomgyu’s silence to continue, “I thought you knew that I was dating someone and um.. He’s studying at the university an hour away from ours so we don’t see each other much, plus he’s always busy. I’m - I'm really sorry.” Before things could even feel more awkward for the both of them, Soobin quickly stood up and rushed to the door, walking out of the cafe and bringing a piece of the younger’s heart with him.

Hours passed by and beomgyu still silently sat at the table in the cafe where love left him. I guess love is not always sunshine and rainbows. Hell, it’s a bad idea to admit your feelings, especially if it was never mutual from the start. So with that thought in mind, beomgyu dragged himself up and walked back to the dorm.

* * *

As soon as he got back to the dorm, beomgyu fell down on his knees and cried, as the remaining pieces of his heart shattered with him on the floor. Taehyun was surprised to see his hyung on the ground, as he immediately stood up and hugged beomgyu, whispering sweet reassurances to his ear. Not even bothering to ask what happened.

The quiet dorm was filled with painful sobs from his hyung. So he hugged beomgyu tighter - scared that he might lose him the second he lets go. Yet his touch was soft, scared to break his hyung more than he already is. For beomgyu was breaking, like fragile glass left broken on the floor by love.

Choi Beomgyu believed that love was giving away all his time to spend it with soobin.

Love was mesmerizing and heart fluttering - but sometimes, love feels far, even if it's within arms reach.

Love was flirty, playful and sometimes shy - but love was also cold and can painfully be one-sided.

Love is Choi Soobin, until he wasn’t.


	2. Agape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song for this chapter: I Can't Make You Love Me - Dave Thomas Junior

_"In these final hours,_

_I will lay down my heart_ _._

_And I'll feel the power,_

_but you won't._

* * *

Moving on was not as easy as the movies portrayed them to be.

After soobin, he was afraid of the word love, let alone feel it. All he felt now was pain and longing for that one specific person. Trust me, longing for someone who was never his in the first place hurts so much more knowing that their story was over before it could even begin.

Now the months have passed and he was here, all alone in his newly rented dorm, with some of his furniture still covered, boxes messily placed on the corner and three empty bottles of soju on the living room floor, the fourth one in his hand, unfortunately, still filled to the brim.

He had to leave his old dorm for three main reasons: One, taehyun had to move back to his parents as they needed an extra pair of hands at home. Two, the rent was expensive for only one student to be living in it (his parents are rich, but he refuses to rely too much, an act of independence, he thinks). Three, the whole place was unbearable, as it held the never ending tears he shed for love.

Frankly, beomgyu sucked at taking care of himself, more so with a broken heart. Taehyun didn’t want to leave the boy alone, but beomgyu insisted as he knew how much his parents needed him. His best friend still calls from time to time and even visits on the weekends so they could play video games or watch movies together. He was truly thankful for all the reassurances his best friend gave him. “Let yourself heal in time. I’ll always be here for you, hyung”, and it never failed to calm the storm within him.

The last drop of alcohol fell from his mouth, so he lazily stood up from the floor and dragged himself to the bedroom. As soon as he felt the soft mattress and egyptian cotton sheets, he fell into a deep slumber.

* * *

It was finally their semestral break, but tyun was his only friend and was busy helping his mom at home. Nevertheless, he was happy to take a break, I mean, how much more can he take from all the sad songs he has written, wishing his professor would stop looking at him with sympathy every damn time. The answer was plain and simple: no, he refused to take anymore pain and sympathy.

So out of pure boredom, beomgyu decides to pay a visit to his favorite arcade.

The dimly lit sign is close to falling, as half of it clings onto the wall, while the other half is hanging at such an odd angle. Beomgyu wouldn’t have it any other way though. For him, this place was his refuge. When his thoughts are too much and alcohol is not enough to numb the pain, he spends his days in the “Crown Arcade”. He gently pushed the double doors open and stepped in.

The place was filled with bright neon lights and different sounds from the gaming machines. From the side, he can see two of the staff who have been here ever since he first discovered the place. The arcade was usually crowded on the weekends, luckily it was a wednesday night and he can only see three to four people inside. After getting a ton of tokens on the cashier, he walked over to one of the machines, _it’s time to race my way to victory_ , he sarcastically thought.

After hours of roaming around and trying out all the gaming machines, beomgyu was left with three tokens. He decided to call it a day and was about to leave, when he suddenly heard a loud shriek, one that strangely sounded like a dolphin screaming. So he turned around the corner and followed the sound, his curiosity increasing by the minute. Standing in front of a claw machine, a tall person in question continued to scream, so he walked closer.

He wasn’t dreaming right? _This can't be real._ Maybe love can be too good to be true - because it was obvious that the boy in front of him looks like he came out right from a fairytale book. He's finally meeting a prince in real life, and the only word that came out from beomgyu’s lips was _wow._

Love had curly brown hair, one that you would want to lightly run your fingers through. Love also looks determined, as he was biting his plump lips from anticipation. Love also has soft features and beomgyu can definitely confirm, love is an angel.

So when love turned to look, with a slight tilt of his head and a welcoming smile, beomgyu knew he was doomed. “Hello, I’m hueningkai, can you please help me win a molang plushie?” love asked.

You know what, maybe he should have walked away. Maybe he should have scolded prince charming for being loud in an arcade at 10 in the evening. He shouldn’t have followed the dolphin-like scream at all. What if this guy was a criminal? His scream explains it all. It was too late though and before he could even process everything, he was already trying to win love a molang plushie.

After two unsuccessful tries, beomgyu was down to his final token. Hueningkai kissed the token for good luck, before they inserted it in the coin slot of the claw machine. Both boys held their breath as the claw was struggling to move the plushie to the bin. Hueningkai's kiss for the token probably worked as beomgyu’s eyes widened and the plushie fell with a soft thud, right inside the box for them to claim.

They screamed at the top of their lungs, both their arms raised - as the younger pulled beomgyu for a hug. Surprise is an understatement for beomgyu, he couldn’t move from the stranger’s embrace and hueningkai, too busy jumping while hugging him to even notice. Once the younger was calm, he immediately let go of beomgyu, a blush slowly creeping from his cheeks. So beomgyu decided to play it cool, casually introducing himself to the younger with a (hopefully) pretty smile. So before both boys went on their separate ways, the younger thanked him for winning the plushie and exchanged numbers.

One final wave of goodbye and they both headed to their dorms separately. The whole situation was making his head hurt, but he could have sworn that hueningkai’s smile was the only thing he could vividly remember.

_Oh love, what are you planning to do now?_

* * *

When beomgyu said that love was an angel, he wasn’t kidding. Not only did hueningkai look like an angel, he acted like one too. The guy was obviously too kind and selfless for his own good. It wasn’t right, and beomgyu hated it.

The first time hueningkai went to visit beomgyu in his dorm, his usual smile was immediately replaced with a frown. The dorm was a mess, with most of his items and furniture still covered and left in boxes. The younger boy also saw the pile of take-out boxes by the kitchen sink. So with both hands placed on his hips, the younger forced beomgyu to explain such chaos. Since then, the two got close easily, with hueningkai spending most of his days in beomgyu’s dorm and other times, they would visit the arcade together.

Hueningkai was either a neat freak, or he was just really kind. The younger boy was actually able to force beomgyu in putting all the furnitures and cleaning his whole dorm. The place that once looked so dull and lifeless turned out to look bright and homely. He didn’t know if it was because of the cleanliness or because of the person who helped him out. Either way, he was thankful to feel anything other than pain for once.

The one time beomgyu thought that he will spend the night alone, he decided to drink his thoughts away. Remembering all the times he had with soobin and how it still hurts, but not as much, yet enough to bring tears out from his eyes. Such thoughts were immediately interrupted by his door abruptly opening and love entering with a smile on his face. Love came in looking like he brought his very own spotlight with him - as the younger boy’s aura shined. It's amazing how his life seemed so much brighter ever since hueningkai came into the picture.

On the other hand, beomgyu was embarrassed. He was half-lying on the living room floor, with alcohol as his only company and tear-stained cheeks as the evidence. So he thought love would look down on him with sympathy, but instead, love looked sad and confused, but nevertheless took him in his arms and soothed all the pain away. After that night, hueningkai promised to protect and take care of beomgyu, as both boys were cuddled under the sheets in one starless night and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The following days were spent with both boys cuddled in bed, sharing shy kisses and whispers of different matters from games to plushies. Heuningkai takes good care of him, never allowing the older to skip meals. The younger boy also makes it a point to bring him coffee on nights where he has to stay up late composing songs. Although beomgyu would get drunk at any chance he could, the younger was always there to nurse him from every hangover. Heuningkai was also present in days where beomgyu would just curl up in bed and cry - and before beomgyu feel like he would explode, he spilled his heart out to hueningkai about the story of the love he lost.

Beomgyu wished that love came with instructions, because he hated the fact that love kept giving while he kept on taking, guilt immediately followed after knowing that he could probably never measure up to what love can and continues to offer. Because he can feel it.

Hueningkai loves beomgyu, but beomgyu is still in love with soobin.

Heuningkai always shows how much he’s in love, and beomgyu feels selfish, because he doesn’t feel the same way, yet he is scared to be left alone. Everything that they do together, he secretly wishes that it was soobin beside him. He couldn't help but compare the younger to his lost love and he was truly sick of it. It’s like fate decided to turn the tables. How can the word "love" hold such cruelty?

* * *

All those sleepless nights and hardwork have finally paid off, knowing that his student days are over and is now about to graduate with flying colors. It’s also been a year since he saw soobin, the guy graduated last year and apparently, landed a job as a model from a famous company named JinHit Entertainment (based from all the stalking beomgyu did on social media).

Beomgyu was busy finishing his song for his final project at the university cafe, the exact place where he bumped into soobin. The ringing of his phone brought him out of his bubble as the name ‘ _Tyunnie <3 _’ flashed on the screen.

The two happily talked, with taehyun constantly apologizing for only being able to call and meet each other twice a month. Beomgyu didn’t mind, he understood how busy his best friend was, the fact that taehyun was able to even give him time among his hectic schedule is more than enough. Beomgyu also mentioned his friend hueningkai, he found out that taehyun and hueningkai are in the same department, both business majors and in their third year. Taehyun constantly asking him question after question made beomgyu admit what was really going on - what hueningkai feels about him and how he can’t seem to reciprocate those feelings. As usual, his best friend being the smartest, gave him advice.

_“Hyung, you have to be honest and come to terms with what you feel. I think communication is important when it comes to love, so if you don’t feel the same way, please tell him before both of you get hurt. He deserves better and we both know that.”_

After taehyun practically dropped the bomb just like that to his hyung, they bid their goodbyes. Beomgyu couldn’t continue writing his song after that. He left the cafe, along with his coffee on the table that turned cold just like the following days with love.

* * *

The day of his graduation, his family, including taehyun, were present. They were standing among the crowd with wide grins gracing their lips, happily waving their arms for beomgyu to see.

The whole program went by like a blur, as the graduates were finally able to jump and throw their caps in the air to signify their dreams soaring as high as it can reach. Some asked to take pictures with Beomgyu. After that, he walked among the crowd, looking for his parents and taehyun, but a hand stopped him from walking any further.

He turned around and was faced with a big bouquet of poppies, a flower serving as a symbol for hope. Thinking it was taehyun, he was about to annoy the younger as to why he was giving him flowers when the poppies were replaced with an angelic sight, love.

Beomgyu’s heart ached for the love in front of him. As much as he wanted to keep being selfish, taehyun was right. _Love deserved better._ So with that thought instilled in his mind, he softly took the younger’s hand and looked up to face love, “Kai, can you meet me at our hiding place tonight at 10pm?”

* * *

He was nervous, scared and just basically a whole mess.

Beomgyu decided to go to the arcade thirty minutes before 10, hoping it could ease his heart from coming out of his chest as he badly needed a distraction. He only walked, thinking that calling a cab would make him fidget in his seat. Besides, he was two blocks away from the arcade - but then he felt something wet fall on his cheek. _Am I crying this early? Really gyu?_

but he looked up at the sky, tragic, it was going to rain just when beomgyu decided to leave his umbrella at the dorm of all days. Beomgyu walked faster, but that didn’t stop the rain from falling harshly among the dark skies. The rain was so hard that he couldn’t even see where he was going anymore. Luckily, his favorite sign from the arcade stood out from the heavy downpour.

He went in the arcade at exactly 10:20 pm. When he came in, he saw love standing in the middle of the arcade, his phone brought up to his ear on one hand, with an umbrella and two take-out boxes sealed in plastic on the other. Love looked worried, he was impatiently tapping his foot, while typing on his phone with shaking fingers. Beomgyu couldn’t help but appreciate the angel in front of him.

Hyuningkai looked up from his phone, eyes landing on a pair of brown eyes looking right back at him. What caught the younger’s eye was how beomgyu was drenched from the tip of his shoes to the top of his head. So he immediately removed his coat and draped it from his shivering hyung.

“I was trying to call you, I saw from the news that it was going to rain tonight so I brought an umbrella but you weren’t at your dorm so I took a cab to go here, I also stopped by your favorite restaurant and bought you food incase you haven’t eaten yet, wha-”

The younger boy stopped talking, seeing as beomgyu was only staring at him with a sad smile and tears falling from his eyes. “Kai, whatever we have going on. Let’s stop, okay?”

Kai dropped his hands that were holding his hyung’s shoulders and asked, “Do you want me to?”

Beomgyu was confused, but before he could ask, hueningkai already provided an answer. “Hyung, I know you’re still in love with that guy soobin. I was just hoping that maybe.. If I show you how much I love you, you’d fall in love with me instead.” kai gave a small pained laugh, "I guess I could never replace him in your heart, no matter how much I try"

His hyung was left speechless, as Hueningkai gently wrapped beomgyu in a warm embrace and whispered, “If you want me to stop, tell me and I’ll walk out of that door and never bother you again. I just hope you know that everything I did was out of pure intentions and you should never feel guilty because you deserve love just as much.”

What hueningkai said hit straight home, and like the never ending rain happening outside the arcade, beomgyu’s tears flowed freely, turning kai’s shirt damp. Beomgyu returned kai’s embrace with a tighter hold, afraid that if he lets go, love will leave. He wasn't ready, not yet. He needed more time, even if it was just a minute.

A few minutes have passed and the rain, together with beomgyu’s tears have stopped. So when beomgyu pulled away to hold kai’s face, he memorized every detail of love. Both boys had their foreheads pressed together, with puffy eyes and shallow breaths shared with each other. With a defeated sigh, beomgyu whispered goodbye, as he slowly stepped back from love.

_Love can be selfless and brave, but love can also be selfish and a coward._

“I hope I get to see you happy in the future, hyung. Even when I won't be the reason for it”, hueningkai gave his hyung one last smile, turned around and left.

_To whoever loves hueningkai next,_

_He’s an angel._

_He obviously deserves all the plushies and everything the world has to offer._

_So please love him with twice as much fervor, as I was unable to._

_Don’t forget to take care of him, for I never had the chance to._

_Lastly, thank him everyday for me, because he changed my definition of love,_

_and I haven’t thanked him enough._


	3. Eros

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING* implied sexual activity + slight swearing
> 
> song(s) for this chapter: Break Your Heart Worse - Crimson Apple / Never The 1 - Rosie

_"Take you so high,_

_Make a fall you can't forget._

_Now your eyes are on me_

_but I'm not even done yet."_

* * *

If he could describe temptation in two words, it would be this: _Choi Yeonjun._

You see, after letting hueningkai walk out of his life six months ago, he vowed to never take part with anything romantic as it often brought unnecessary pain. He even told taehyun that maybe love really wasn't for him - only to immediately swallow his words right back, all because of a man with fox-like eyes.

* * *

It was the month of October and the cold weather of Seoul somehow brought beomgyu comfort. He was aimlessly walking down the streets, looking for some sort of entertainment as taehyun was busy studying for a major exam. _Maybe I should just grab a caramel macchiato for tyun and drop by his dorm_ , beomgyu thought.

After graduating, he decided to take a break before actually applying for a job. He was surprised that his parents bought him an expensive apartment all for himself. As if the apartment wasn’t enough, they even bought him a new car. Beomgyu tried to refuse, even warning his parents that he’d sell both presents. Of course his parents won the discussion, explaining how they only want what’s best for their son. Taehyun on the other hand, was able to return to the university dorms as the situation with his parents at home was solved by deciding to hire a helper.

He was about to head inside the cafe when he got distracted by the huge crowd gathered near the entrance of a red building. Curiosity once again got the best of him so he decided to check what all the fuss was about.

“ _Eternally Bar_ ” was written in bright neon colors, with two buff guys standing at the entrance and the crowd impatiently waiting in line to get inside. Beomgyu has never been to a bar before. At the age of twenty two and a fresh graduate from college, you would expect that the young man would at least experience stepping foot inside - but he didn’t, not even once.

Curiosity - 3 Beomgyu - 0

_He’ll just probably kick me out if I try to annoy him while he’s studying_ , beomgyu reassured himself. Finally deciding, he stood up straight and walked to stand in line.

* * *

The young man didn’t know which was more annoying: different people asking to buy him a drink or the obnoxiously loud EDM blaring across the room. Either way, beomgyu discovered that he was glad he never went to a bar before - he felt out of place, sticking out like a sore thumb. The whole place screamed for elites, everything looking expensive, like everyone _knew_ everyone.

He raised the third glass of whiskey to his lips and watched the sea of people moving to the beat of the music. Drinking it in one go, he paid the bartender, wanting to leave the place as fast as he can. He didn’t know if the alcohol kicked in or he was just too tired to function, but he felt a pair of eyes watching his every move. So when he turned around to look, his eyes immediately landed on _him_.

Love was in the middle of the dancefloor wearing a cropped leather turtleneck - showing off his toned stomach. Love was also wearing fishnet tights and chunky platform boots - but it was love’s fox-like eyes that piqued his attention; teasing, alluring, summoning him to come closer and like a lovesick fool, he did.

In the middle of the dance floor, just inches away from beomgyu’s reach was love, sensually dancing to the beat. Even with the low lights, he could clearly see how hauntingly beautiful love was and he hated to admit it, but love left him awestruck.

Love’s hands were over his head, slowly bringing it down, tracing every curve of his body. Eyes closed with a knowing smile placed on those sinful lips and _oh_ how badly beomgyu wondered how they taste like. He pushed those thoughts aside, afraid to act upon his impulsivity, and swiftly walked away from the dance floor.

* * *

He was hiding inside the bathroom a bit too long as the person behind the door was nagging him to open up before he “shits himself right then and there”. Beomgyu washed his face for the fifth time, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves and walked out of the bathroom, the person waiting muttering a quick “finally” and rushed to lock the door.

He leaned against the wall, trying to calm himself, _nope, this is nothing beomgyu, what the heck was that, don’t be stu-_

“So this is where you’ve been hiding.”

Beomgyu jumped from the sound of a stranger’s voice, only to look up and see the same person who was the reason for his current dilemma. Up close, love looked exquisite. He never thought anyone could pull off such a bright hair color, electric yellow to be specific, but love certainly did.

Love leaned in closer, easily taking beomgyu’s breath away for the third time tonight. “What’s your name?”

It took beomgyu a moment before he realized that he was asking him a question. He gulped down his anxiety and quietly answered, “I’m um, Beom. I mean, Beomgyu. Uh, what about you?”

Love smirked, his stare was stirring something deep within him, something wickedly terrifying, but thrilling at the same time. “I’ll tell you my name if you promise to pay me a visit here this friday night”

In beomgyu’s mind, he was yelling at himself to say no, but what came out was the complete opposite, he started nodding - and before he could even process what was happening, love lightly brushed his lips against his. Which was too quick to even be felt, but was enough to leave beomgyu’s whole body scorching by a mere touch.

“I’ll see you then, _beomgyu_.” Love abruptly took a step back and winked at the blushing mess, whose name dripped like honey from love’s lips.

As soon as he walked away, beomgyu felt like he could breathe again. After pondering on what just happened, he realized that this time, love strangely felt mysterious. Something bold and darker, compared to all the types of love he has encountered.

_Shit, not again._ Beomgyu thought.

* * *

Yeonjun pushed him against the wall, holding the younger man captive. No words were said as urgent kisses were shared between them. Beomgyu was truly unaware of how they reached the second floor of the bar, let alone kissing yeonjun with a need that he has never experienced in his entire existence.

Hours before he was shoved inside what he assumes to be yeonjun’s office, they were dancing among the crowd - with yeonjun’s back facing him as he seductively moved his hips to the music blasting from the speakers. Yeonjun guided the younger man’s arms to wrap around his waist, feeling the rush from the alcohol or the warm touches - maybe even a mixture of both.

Besides the fact that Choi Yeonjun was strikingly gorgeous, one which features can never be compared to anyone else - beomgyu discovered that he was the owner of this famous place, Eternally Bar. Which felt like he was hanging out with a celebrity, as every single person in the room worshipped the ground he walked on.

“I came here for your name, you know.” Beomgyu whispered in love’s ear. Little by little, his confidence was increasing. The man in his arms turned around, wrapping his arms around beomgyu’s neck and answered, “People here mostly call me Daniel, but for you my little bear, I want you to call me Yeonjun, jun is fine too.”

After their heavy makeout session in yeonjun’s office, the two seemed to have grown accustomed to such routine. They would only meet in three places: beomgyu’s apartment, yeonjun’s apartment, and the bar. Most of their hangouts technically consist of kissing and wandering hands rather than talking, with each kiss feeling better than the previous ones, taking beomgyu high up in cloud nine.

* * *

He felt like everything was going too fast, that whatever they have is only bound to crash and burn. It has been months and beomgyu shamefully knows nothing about yeonjun except the basics. Whenever he tried, yeonjun would just distract him with his lips - and beomgyu could have sworn he loses his mind every damn time, he couldn't complain.

He was surprised to see a text from Yeonjun come monday morning, asking him if he’d want to go out tonight. So he agreed. It was quite different from their usual routine, thinking about it made beomgyu a bit giddy, knowing he was going out with love. Yeonjun picked him up at exactly nine in the evening, leaning on his sleek black motorcycle which by the way, almost gave Beomgyu a heart attack with how fast it could go, if he wasn’t so distracted with his arms tightly wrapped around his hyung.

Yeonjun was propped up on the chair, looking at a variety of tattoos in the catalog. They were inside a tattoo parlor who was owned by one of yeonjun’s close friends. Beomgyu was uncomfortably sitting on the stool next to yeonjun, looking around the place and seeing Jungkook, yeonjun’s friend, staring at him with an intense, yet unreadable expression. “Hey gyu, should I just tattoo your name near my collarbones?”

“What?” Beomgyu asked, looking away from Jungkook. “Tell me what I should get tattooed, preferably a word, but up to you.” Yeonjun shrugged, throwing the catalog to the nearest table and leaning back against the chair. Beomgyu thought of a million words that could best describe yeonjun, and he finally thought of one.

“Hey, how about ‘EROS’ with an arrow striking through the words?” Beomgyu suggested. Yeonjun tilted his head to the side unaware of what the word meant, so Jungkook cut in, “It’s like cupid dumbass. Greek god of passion and physical desire”

Yeonjun raised his eyebrows at Beomgyu, with the younger shyly hiding his face from his hands - he was truly embarrassed, but yeonjun paid it no mind as he held one of beomgyu’s hands and looked him straight in the eye. “Start doing your job, Jungkook hyung. You heard what my little bear wants.”

* * *

“You’ve been spacing out the whole time. Whatever’s on your mind, it’s definitely not me. If it was, you’d be paying attention.” Yeonjun softly scolded the younger.

Beomgyu couldn’t seem to focus on whatever yeonjun was trying to say. It has been two weeks since they went out to different parties, each one making him feel even more confused as he's ever been, for being introduced as yeonjun’s “friend”. He was bothered to say the least.

“I- I’m sorry I just..” _I just want to know why you want to keep me a secret,_ was what Beomgyu truly wanted to say but instead, bit his lip - a deep sigh escaping his lips. He felt the couch shift, so he opened his eyes to see yeonjun leaning close, until both of their lips were only centimeters apart.

“It’s okay, I’m going to fill that pretty little head of yours with thoughts of me and only me.” Yeonjun sultry whispered, holding Beomgyu's chin as softly as he could.

_“By the end of the night, I’m the only thing you’d want to remember.”_ and hell, he wasn't wrong.

Last night was incomparable to all the other nights he spent with Choi Yeonjun, and maybe because it was his first time. The whole experience was exhilarating - every touch was electrifying, yeonjun agonizingly taking his time in mapping out every inch of what Beomgyu can offer. Love chased every sigh, every moan and every word that came out of Beomgyu’s lips. Both bodies flushed against each other filling the dark room with gratifying passion.

Beomgyu woke up the next morning to his lips tingling, a small smile gracing his lips remembering that night. He felt sore, making it difficult to move especially with the sheets tangled on his lower limbs. He turned around hoping to catch a glimpse of his hyung sleeping, only to find a small note saying he had fun and he should get home to rest. His heart dropped, _did he really have to leave after what happened last night?_

Does love really make you feel like everything and nothing at the same time?

* * *

Love can make you blind from the truth even when the signs of red flags were all there.

Whatever’s going on, beomgyu was crazy enough to go with it, especially when his feelings are involved. He didn’t know where they stood, practically telling everyone they're friends, but the kisses they share behind closed doors says otherwise.

_Alexa, play señorita by camila cabello and shawn mendes_ , Beomgyu mockingly thought.

Beomgyu expected today to be the usual, as both of them were in yeonjun’s apartment, trying to catch their breath as both of them lay on the bed. They decided to have some fun in yeonjun's apartment since it's been a week since they last saw each other, because yeonjun had been unusually busy. On the other hand, beomgyu wanted to talk about their first time - but he gets easily sidetracked, losing control of his mind and body once yeonjun's hands were all over him.

“I’m sorry gyu, I have something important to do at work in 20 minutes, I don’t think I’ll be able to drop you off at your apartment..” Yeonjun explained. Beomgyu was upset, but he didn’t want to come off as a clingy, so he hummed in acknowledgement.

“It’s okay hyung, I’m gonna go now, I still have errands to do too.” Beomgyu stood and slowly got dressed, feeling a pair of eyes staring. A quick mutter of goodbye and beomgyu walked swiftly out of the apartment.

He was patiently waiting for the elevator to open and when it did, the person inside it was as surprised as he was. “Choi Beomgyu? Oh my god, it’s been a long time!” beomgyu was hastily pulled into a bone-crushing hug, he couldn’t hug back as the man quickly pulled away, holding him within arms reach.

_The Choi Soobin_ was right here in front of him. He couldn’t speak, he didn’t know how long it had been, but his first love was talking to him again like nothing bad ever happened. Beomgyu didn’t know if he should be happy or not, so he opted to only give Soobin a quiet hi. “What brings you here? Do you live here?” Soobin asked.

“Oh um no just had to visit a friend.” Beomgyu forced out. He didn't know if it was him, but it felt awkward with how they ended - yet it doesn't seem to bother Soobin at all.

“Uh what about you Soobin, what brings you here?” he shyly asked.

Soobin was about to answer when another voice intervened, “Bunny? What are you doing here babe?”

It took a minute for beomgyu to process everything. He wished that the ground he was standing upon would swallow him whole. He knew that voice. It was very familiar. One minute soobin was in front of him and the next he was running into the arms of - _what the fuck? You have got to be kidding me._

“As I was rudely interrupted, beomgyu, this is my boyfriend, Daniel. He was the one I was telling you about before uh - you know, but anyways, surprise hyung! I came to visit you!” Soobin excitedly said, turning around to face his boyfriend and left a peck on his cheek.

Beomgyu felt like he wanted to puke right in front of them. He was ashamed of even standing in the same room with the couple. Yeonjun and him were engaged into a staring contest, daring one another to talk.

Soobin awkwardly shifted from one foot to the other and let out a cough, bringing both of their attention towards the tallest one in the room. “Daniel and I are gonna go, it was nice seeing you again, Beomgyu!”

He could only watch as Yeonjun looked away, fondly gazing up at Soobin, his eyes bright, as he held his first love's hand. The scene was more than enough to break his already broken heart and with the little dignity he had left, he hurriedly went inside the elevator.

* * *

“You have a lot of explaining to do, hyung. You’ve avoided all my calls, ignored all my messages, and whenever I get here I only see sticky notes on the door. I'm not stupid, I know you're hiding something from me so spill.” Taehyun was visibly upset, he had every right to be. Beomgyu kept Yeonjun a secret to his own best friend. He avoided talking to taehyun as much as he could, simply because he was afraid of what Taehyun would say if he knew.

But here he is now - inside his apartment with Taehyun in front of him looking agitated because beomgyu apparently called him at midnight after ghosting him for days. So he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and told taehyun everything that happened with love.

Once he was done, he couldn’t look at his best friend. He was embarrassed of how foolish he had been to fall so easily. He had no tears to shed though, but the pain he felt was unbearable. Taehyun knelt down and placed his arms on Beomgyu’s lap, they stared at each other - one with pain in his eyes and the other with a comforting gaze.

Taehyun pressed their foreheads together, with both their eyes closed he whispered, “You don’t have to hide anything from me, hyung. Good or bad, I will always look at you the same.”

* * *

Beomgyu woke up to the smell of pancakes and coffee. He walked out of the bedroom to see Taehyun preparing breakfast at the dining table. He was still a bit shaken up from the events of yesterday, but he felt a little better as both boys watched a ton of romcom movies last night, even ordering pizza and a tub of ice cream courtesy of Taehyun.

As both boys were eating breakfast, Beomgyu’s phone kept vibrating on the table - signalling a lot of texts, probably from the person he wishes to forget. When taehyun sighed for the fifth time, beomgyu immediately opened the messages, afraid to upset his best friend more. _Of course, Yeonjun wanted to meet_. He rolled his eyes, he was done dealing with it, he didn't want to hurt anyone and thinking about it only made him physically sick. Somehow, fate has its twisted way of making beomgyu's love life a living hell, causing more damage than he could ever repair.

Like Taehyun had read Beomgyu’s mind he said, “Go and meet him if it helps you lessen the weight of what you’re feeling now.”

It was almost one in the afternoon when Bemomgyu had the guts to finally meet Yeonjun. He was back to where they started, Eternally Bar. The bar opens at nine in the evening, so beomgyu wasn’t surprised when he was the only person inside besides yeonjun. They were sitting at one of the booths, yeonjun holding a bottle of alcohol on one hand. _Too early to get drunk, don’t you think?_ Beomgyu wanted to say.

“Before you go crazy and scream at me, I’m sorry. Yeah, it’s my fault. Soobin and I go way back, he’s been there with me when things were difficult. I just, I don’t -”

Beomgyu cut him off with a scoff and replied, “I get it. You love him, I was a mistake, you don’t want him to know. Fuck you, Daniel.” Yeonjun was taken aback, he was quite surprised with this side of beomgyu and if things were not the way they are right now, he honestly would have thought that it’s kind of hot.

Beomgyu was about to stand up when yeonjun stopped him. “Look, you weren’t a mistake. I - fuck. It’s complicated okay? I think I love the both of you. I’m not sure. I can’t decide, I just can’t.” Beomgyu turned so fast to send Yeonjun a hostile glare.

“Well let me decide for you, I do not want to be a part of whatever you’re trying to imply. Soobin did not deserve to be cheated on and I do not deserve to be your second option.” _I was never the one for you_ , Beomgyu thought. He was done.

Compared to all the previous love he had, beomgyu was brave enough this time around to be the one to walk away.

_I mean, who needs to fall in love if it only causes heartbreak anyway?_


	4. Philautia & Pragma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song for this chapter: Home - Reese Lansangan  
> \---> I think this song fits this chapter perfectly! I hope you get to listen to it

> _"My heart can rest, knowing it belongs to you_
> 
> _My world is changed,_
> 
> _And it's cradled by the comfort that is you"_

* * *

“That’s enough moping for today, hyung. You’re acting like it’s the end of the world.” Taehyun casually walked into Beomgyu's apartment, dropping the bag of groceries on the counter and proceeded to open all the curtains, letting light enter the dark-filled room.

“Is it not the end of the world for me?” Beomgyu retorted. It’s been two weeks since he ended things with yeonjun. He has done nothing but stay on the couch, wrapping himself up with blankets and binge-watching different movies and series that he could find. “You and your dramatic ass. You should try doing other things, instead of locking yourself here in the apartment.”

Beomgyu removed the bundle of blankets that were covering him and headed over to the fridge, completely ignoring tyun. Taking a bottle of water, beomgyu was about to walk back from the living room when Taehyun stood in front of him, blocking his way. “Beomie, please look at me.”

He immediately looked up, noting the nickname and the gentle voice tyun used. His best friend knew how he has a weak spot for the nickname - just like how it had an effect on the other when he calls him tyunnie. The younger was looking at him with a comforting gesture, opening his arms enough for Beomgyu to step in. Once he felt taehyun’s arms wrapped securely around him, he let out a long sigh - finally feeling at ease. “Hyung, I know you’re having a hard time. I am too - especially whenever I see you like this.”

They pulled away as taehyun held beomgyu on the shoulders and continued to speak, “I have a list of things that I planned just for you, I won’t force you though. You have to be willing to do it. Besides, it only has two things, really easy.” Beomgyu was moved at how thoughtful his best friend was - he truly didn’t know what life would be without him. He didn't want to know.

“Okay, but can I at least know how this list will help me with my situation?” Beomgyu asked. Taehyun immediately brightened at the thought of his hyung agreeing. So he cupped one of beomgyu’s cheeks and whispered,

“Maybe it can help you realize who you should love first.”

* * *

Beomgyu was reading the brochure which was given to him by the receptionist in the hotel. _“Magic Island: Home for the Broken and The Lost”_ was written in front of the brochure. He couldn’t help but snort, of all places that Taehyun planned for him, it was this.

Apparently, Taehyun not only wrote this as the first thing to do on the list, but also booked the flight and made reservations in this place in advance. The younger heard that a lot of locals and foreigners go to this island for some sort of transitioning phase. _That sneaky nugget, he knew I couldn’t say no to him_. Beomgyu thought.

The whole getaway is for a week and beomgyu was surprised to see that the place really had a lot of activities written in the brochure - with specific schedules for the guests. Some activities were meditation, scuba diving, painting and whatnot. It was all voluntary though, so it somehow gave beomgyu the freedom that he needed as of the moment.

For the first two days, beomgyu was able to wander at the market near the resort. He even bought Taehyun a wooden mug with a face of a squirrel carved in front as a souvenir. He decided to buy some for his family - as visiting in Daegu after this trip was the second thing on the list. He also went to different restaurants trying out unique dishes, and even bought clothes from the closest mall he could find. Despite spending the trip alone, he was surprisingly having fun. Everything felt therapeutic, like nothing ever bad happened. He ended the day inside his suite, finally having the courage to send out his job application forms to different companies. He had a month left of vacation, so he thought that he might as well do it now.

On the third day, he was able to finally write songs again - quietly sitting on the sand and carefully strumming his guitar. The sound of the waves were soothing, as every wave that came and went took his worries and doubts with it, one by one.

“Hey, that sounds really good.” someone said behind him. Beomgyu turned around to see a man wearing a tropical button up shirt paired with khaki shorts. The man put his hand forward and beomgyu took it as he stood up to face the other. Thankfully, the day ended with him gaining a new friend, Namjoon.

On the fourth and fifth day, he was able to spend it with Namjoon’s circle of friends. They all tried out the schedule provided by the beach resort and beomgyu was glad to be able to experience it all with new faces - from cliff diving, a spa day, to trying out different cocktails and drinks on the tiki-inspired bar. It was the night of the fifth day, all of them were seated on the blankets laid out in the sand, with the bonfire keeping them warm. It was part of the schedule, everyone was allowed to share their stories and surprisingly, everyone had stories to tell - he was not keen on telling his story to strangers but somehow, this was an exception - one that brought immeasurable solace within him.

It also brought him a sense of assurance that he wasn’t struggling alone. He was trying to remember, everyone was - to relearn who they were before reality took it away from them.

On the last two days, he spent it alone - after promising Namjoon and the others to keep in touch through social media. He was walking on the shore, watching his footsteps in the sand get washed away by the waves of the sea. He realized it now, what Taehyun was trying to tell him. The whole week made him realize a lot of things - that his feelings are valid and that he should get to know himself better too. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off of him - his tyunnie was right.

_How can you love someone else, if you don't even know how to love yourself?_

* * *

Beomgyu’s visit to Daegu was cut short, only staying for two days instead of four, as he had four pending interviews out of the five companies he sent his applications to. Even so, his mother’s words were stuck on his mind.

_“My dear son, you should know by now that love is not always as good as it seems. Take all the love you have encountered as lessons and be thankful for them.” his mom said. They were in the kitchen, as his mom was preparing dinner._ _His mother was upset at first when he showed up, mentioning that Taehyun was able to visit them once a month, while the last time he ever saw his mother was on his graduation day. So he promised to visit with Taehyun next time and every month too, if he could._

_Beomgyu was able to tell his mother about what love felt like, in three different ways - each leaving him with a painful memory. He was never open with his mother, as it felt too awkward for him. What urged him to open up though was taehyun, there must be a reason as to why visiting his family was on the list, and one of the reasons must be this._

_“Thank them for what, eomma? For the heartbreak? For the pain?” Beomgyu replied._

_“No, thank them for helping you be who you are now - stronger, wiser, better. At one point, they made you happy hm? Forgive them, and forgive yourself too.” His mother sweetly replied. Beomgyu couldn’t say anything else, knowing that his mother was right. Maybe forgiveness was what he needed to do - to help him start anew. "Oh and beomgyu?” his mother called._

_He looked up to face his mom, his mother was looking at him fondly and with a knowing smile she said, “Maybe what you’re looking for is right inside you, and the other one probably waiting for you to recognize their feelings. All you have to do is to pay attention.”_

* * *

After Taehyun’s graduation, beomgyu gave him a spare key to his apartment, as Taehyun was struggling in looking for an affordable apartment - he didn’t mind, the apartment was too big anyways and taehyun was practically already living there, as he spends time with beomgyu basically every single day.

Soon enough it was already Beomgyu’s birthday, he didn’t do anything special for the whole day though as he was busy preparing for his upcoming interviews. He was quite shocked to come home to his living room filled with balloons and taehyun standing in the middle - happily holding a cake on both hands, while singing him a birthday song.

Beomgyu was starting to see Taehyun in a different light - when his mother told him to pay close attention. At first he was confused, _love wants him to recognize love?_ He was scared to admit that he probably knew who it was, as he was the only person he always hangs out with. He didn’t notice before, but he does now - that Taehyun was treating him differently, maybe even more than how best friends should be treated, but Beomgyu was still afraid to dwell on such thoughts.

After making a wish and blowing the candle, he playfully asked the younger, “Thank you, but where’s my gift?”

Taehyun rolled his eyes and put the cake down on the table, hastily jumping up to wrap his arms around his hyung which surprised Beomgyu, almost failing to catch his best friend. “What do you mean? I am _the_ gift silly!”

Beomgyu laughed at the lack of honorifics, but feeling warm all over, seeing how affectionate tyun was - has always been. “Right, you’re the best gift I have ever received, tyunnie.” Beomgyu whispered, wrapping his arms tighter around taehyun.

The younger man looked up to him and smiled, “I also baked the cake by the way, it was really difficult. Hopefully it tastes as good as it looks..” both boys warily looked at the cake, before looking back at each other, bursting into a fit of giggles.

* * *

“Okay okay on the count of three.. one, two, three!” Both boys removed their hands which were covering their eyes, looking at the laptop screens in front of them.

_Dear Mr. Choi Beomgyu,_

_It is with great pleasure that we welcome you to our team and the company. We look forward to working with you ..._

“What does it say, hyung?” Taehyun excitedly asks, leaning closer. Still speechless, he reads the email one more time before wordlessly reaching out to hug his best friend. Beomgyu released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, a grin finally escaping his lips. “I got the job.. All four companies!” Both boys yelled out of happiness, jumping up from the couch and doing their happy dance.

He turned to face tyun with a quick intake of breath, seeing his best friend happily shaking his hips, with the light from the windows perfectly framing taehyun’s face - just the right amount to let the younger glow. How he was unable to notice such an enthralling sight before was beyond him. Taehyun stopped dancing, only to look over his hyung - a fond smile on his face. “Noraebang, my treat?”

“Wait, how about you? Did you get the job you were hoping for too?” Beomgyu quietly asked as he looked away, still recovering from the beauty in front of him. The younger happily nodded, so beomgyu offered his hand out, taehyun slowly taking the outstretched hand. “Noraebang it is, food and drinks on me!”

* * *

“Alright, if I could be here forever in this time and space.. Just jump! It will be alright, alright, alright!” Both boys were singing at the top of their lungs, revealing weird dance moves and tricks - which all ended up with laughter and playful banter.

Once the song was over, both boys were sprawled out on the long couch, trying to catch their breaths. Another song suddenly played, so beomgyu peered up to look - but taehyun blocked the screen, standing in front of him, with one of his hands held out for beomgyu to take. “May I have this dance, beomie hyung?”

_No one else will do and I’m telling you, just put your heart in my hands,_

_I promise it won’t get broken, we’ll never forget this moment_

_Yeah we’ll stay brand new, because I’ll love you, over and over again_

Beomgyu’s hands were gently wrapped on the younger’s waist, while the other had his arms wrapped around his hyung’s neck. They were slow dancing to the song - taehyun carefully pulled his hyung closer, to rest his head against the crook of beomgyu’s neck.

He closed his eyes, his heartbeat in a steady rhythm against the other. Taehyun was singing the lyrics to his ear in a soft whisper - with every word resonating within him in more ways than one.

Even when the music stopped they still continued dancing, holding each other close, afraid to let go - in their own little bubble, a safe place from all the heartache and pain.

* * *

It has been a week since they went to the Noraebang, with both boys finally able to go to work. Beomgyu picked a company that would fit Taehyun’s schedule, so he could drop off his best friend at work everyday, reasoning out that it could help the younger save money instead of paying it for a cab. _Save money my ass, you’re just looking for an excuse to spend more time with him._

It was a sunday, he was currently in his room composing something new as he was feeling really inspired today - when he heard a knock on the door. Beomgyu yelled a quick ‘come in’ before hearing his bedroom door open and close. “Hey, I know it has only been four months but, uh are you still, you know..”

_Still moving on? Still heartbroken? Still angry with love?_ Beomgyu swiveled around his chair, turning to see his best friend standing by the door, fiddling with the hem of his sweater. “Would it surprise you if I tell you I’m okay now?”

It was true, after Taehyun’s list and the following weeks after that, Beomgyu was able to reflect on everything, to come to terms with what he feels and accept that love is too complex to be understood. He looked straight at taehyun’s eyes, seeing the worry replaced with relief. “Really? Good.. Um, I’m happy for you hyung, really.” taehyun replied. Beomgyu nodded and turned around to go back to work as the younger moved to sit on the bed, a comfortable silence filling the room - well, until taehyun spoke up.

“Let me take you out on a proper date, hyung.”

The suggestion made beomgyu all choked up, looking over his shoulder to see an innocent look on taehyun’s face - but with a glint of confidence in his eyes.

“You kept looking for embodiments of love in different strangers, when it was always right here, patiently waiting for you to come home.” Taehyun sauntered towards his hyung, until the armchair was the only barrier left separating the two.

Beomgyu couldn’t help but stare at the man in front of him. He was speechless - yet he admired his best friend for revealing his true feelings, whilst beomgyu was still afraid to admit. So all his suspicions were true, Kang Taehyun, his best friend, has been in love with him for how long? He didn’t want to know, he was afraid.

“Well? What do you say hyung? It can be a friendly date if you want it to be..” Taehyun suddenly losing confidence at the lack of words beomgyu was providing. As the older boy snapped back from reality, he looked up and shook his head, sending a small smile to the younger. “Okay, a friendly date it is.”

* * *

Among all the love that he has encountered, he wanted to consider today as his first experience of a real (friendly) date.

They started the day off with Taehyun renting two bikes and strolled around the park. They even had a bet, where the last one to reach the end of the bridge buys lunch - Taehyun won, primarily because beomgyu was too distracted. It was such an enchanting sight - the sky was painted orange, with a tinge of pink and blue. He looked down to see his best friend - his cherry colored hair swept by the wind, the crinkle on his eyes on full display, with a smile so bright he couldn’t help but feel proud to be the reason behind it.

They both laid on the blanket placed on the grass. Both boys were full from the ramen and tangerines they ate, which was bought by beomgyu. He was admiring the polaroid photos that he took of taehyun - it turns out, his tyunnie had a gift for him that night on his birthday, a polaroid camera, one which beomgyu wanted for months.

After taking some pictures together, they talked a lot about each other, it felt refreshing for him to be able to spend time and talk to the younger, just like the old times. Before they even knew it, the sky was already turning dark. Beomgyu thought that they were going home, but taehyun bumped his shoulder and said, “The night’s still young. We still have two hours before it closes, let’s go!”

They arrived at Namsan Tower, where people would write on love locks - some explaining as a sign of undying love while others believe it to bring everlasting love to the owner. He saw taehyun come back, bringing with him a simple blue lock.

“What should we write?” Beomgyu couldn’t hide his excitement, he always dreamed of being able to put his own love lock with a significant other. The thought immediately made his cheeks turn into a crimson shade. The younger only sent him a wink, taking the marker from his back pocket and started writing. Beomgyu moved closer to take a look at what the younger man wrote:

_Bamtyun,_

_To eternally be the atlas to your cosmos._

Beomgyu didn’t understand what it meant, but before he could ask, the younger was already looking for a place to secure their lock. Taehyun waited for beomgyu, before both boys placed their lock in one of the railings. They both looked up, seeing some stars beautifully displayed in the night sky.

He looked over to see the younger trying to find warmth by softly blowing air on both of his hands. So Beomgyu reached out to take the younger’s hand, gently holding it before placing it inside the pocket of his jacket, both hands still clasped together.

“Hey Hyung” taehyun softly called. Beomgyu hummed in response as a sign of acknowledgement, still looking up at the stars. “Do you know who Atlas is in greek mythology?”

Beomgyu thought for a moment - taehyun used to read a lot of books about greek mythology, and he would listen to the younger talk about it nonstop. “I think I remember, is it the god who was forced to hold up the heavens for eternity?” Taehyun nodded, looking back at the sky.

“When the era of the gods were over, Atlas still held up the celestial sky, refusing to leave even though he had endured more than enough of the weight of the skies. A star asked him why he didn’t want to leave, even when he finally had the freedom to.”

Beomgyu turned around to face the younger, “So why didn’t he?” Taehyun smiled, stepping closer to his hyung and truly looked at him - through him, his gaze unwavering. Something about the younger's gaze made him feel something familiar, only this time, it felt more genuine than any other feeling. He felt a sense of contentment, seeing the younger boy's eyes shine, like he held all the stars in the sky - it was bewitching.

“Atlas told the star that the sky was his only home. It gave him purpose. He believed loving the heavens meant protecting it, no matter how hard it was for him.”

The younger boy faced the sky once again, closing his eyes before speaking, “Hyung, you are my cosmos.” he moved to gently place his head on Beomgyu’s shoulder. “And if you’d let me, I would love to be your Atlas.”

* * *

It has been two months since their first date. They had many more “friendly” dates after that, as beomgyu was still in denial - only taking things as far as hugging and holding hands. He had to admit it though, his resolve was starting to crumble - he knew that he wanted more with Taehyun, but he was afraid of the consequences that it brings - except for today, for today was definitely different.

Both boys were sitting inside the jacuzzi in the balcony of their apartment. They were drinking wine at 5:53 pm, as a way of celebrating Taehyun’s promotion at work. He couldn’t look at the younger; he already saw taehyun’s bare chest before, but it's different now - as he was fighting the desire to run his hands all over his best friend. The younger one had other plans, seeing how Beomgyu was flustered by his presence, looking everywhere except him.

With a burst of confidence, taehyun slowly ran his hands through his hyung’s legs, to his thighs, gliding up towards his chest, and finally rested his hands on the other’s shoulders. Beomgyu was holding back a moan as taehyun slowly sat on his lap, leaning as close as he could to his hyung. It was this moment, where all his restraints were forgotten, his thoughts down the drain - as he swooped down to claim the younger’s lips.

The kiss exceeded his expectations - no fireworks, just soft lips against his, both of them taking their time - it was what he was wishing for, and it was more than enough to blow his mind. He momentarily pulled away, only to come back down, craving for the younger’s lips against his once again.

This time, the kiss was sloppy and desperate - a kind of kiss to satiate their longing for one another. Words fail to describe how it felt for Beomgyu, it was everything for him - his sweetest undoing. Taehyun was the first to pull away, moving to sit beside his hyung, both of them trying to compose themselves. What both of them didn't expect was Beomgyu walking away.

He was walking around town, his mind occupied with thoughts of taehyun. Maybe he was overwhelmed with what happened, but he also felt guilty for leaving his best friend behind. The past months have been nothing but incredible for him - he was able to try out so many things, was able to visit his family in Daegu, and developed a deeper connection with love.

_Love_. Beomgyu derided the word. He was back at square one, wrapping his head around the thought of it. He sat on one of the benches in the park where they had their first date, still stuck inside his thoughts.

Taehyun made him realize his worth. For loving himself and listening to his feelings was important.

Taehyun made him accept reality. For love is tragically beautiful, with all its endings come new beginnings.

Taehyun helped him heal. For every wound love gave, he filled it with delicate affirmations and genuine attention.

_Taehyun. Love_ . He loves Taehyun. _He is in love with Kang Taehyun_. Deeply, intensely, truly in love with him, and he can’t keep denying it anymore. Nothing mattered at the moment except for his sweet surrender. This was it, he was taking a risk again, no matter the consequences. He stood up and hurriedly walked back to the apartment.

* * *

He went inside the apartment - which was awfully silent. He held his breath, afraid that the younger already left him. So he looked at taehyun’s bedroom, sadly, taehyun wasn’t there. He also looked inside his bedroom, which was only filled with crumpled papers on the floor. He looked at the bathroom - the lights were on, with the door slightly open. With trembling hands he opened the door.

Taehyun had his eyes closed when beomgyu entered the bathroom. He was in the bathtub, probably to release the stress from beomgyu leaving him in the jacuzzi two hours ago. He slowly walked towards the younger until he was in front, sitting on the floor and taking the younger’s hand which was resting on the edge of the tub, gently interlacing their fingers. Taehyun opened his eyes, no anger or even hatred for his hyung, just quietly looking at him.

“You’re still here.” Beomgyu uttered, feeling a bit breathless. Taehyun tugged at their interlaced hands - so beomgyu went in the tub, still fully clothed, while taehyun was resting his back against his hyung's chest, completely bare. “and you came home.”

The two didn’t speak after that. Just basking in each other’s presence. Taehyun was playing with their interlaced fingers, their hearts somehow beating in sync. Beomgyu spoke first, “What if.. what if we don’t work out and I lose you?”

“You won’t. I chose you before, I chose you now and I’ll continue to choose you in the future. I’m your atlas, remember?” The mention of atlas and the cosmos made him smile, remembering their love lock and its promise of eternity.

That night, both boys laid in bed together, covered in blankets, with their limbs in a tangled mess - and for the first time in a long time, Beomgyu slept peacefully - holding love in his arms as close as he possibly could.

* * *

The next day, beomgyu woke up extra early to prepare for taehyun’s breakfast in bed. Taehyun was still asleep, so beomgyu made it a point to be as silent as possible. He wanted to ask the younger to be his boyfriend, he felt like the younger waited too long for him, so he wanted to do it as early as he can. Literally.

After fixing taehyun’s breakfast which mainly consists of: half of the toasted bread burnt, eggs with little cracks of its shell in it, different sliced fruits, and a glass of apple juice - he was ready to go. After waking taehyun up as gently as he can, he placed the tray of breakfast on the younger’s lap, before running off to his room to get his guitar.

He positioned himself at the edge of the bed, placing his guitar on his lap and softly strummed its strings. He nervously looked up at taehyun - who was looking beautiful as ever, even with his bed hair, and still looking half asleep. He wanted to be able to wake up to this, every single day.

“I um, I actually wrote this song the day you asked me out on our first ‘friendly’ date. It’s not yet done but um, I wanted you to listen to it.” Taehyun nodded his head, and beomgyu took it as a sign to start. He closed his eyes and started to play his guitar.

_The music’s in your heart, that’s where I’m gonna start_

_And if you just play along I’ll make sure I’m in tune,_

_In this concert just for two_

_This is our first song, sorry I had you waiting so long_

_Gotta make it perfect it can’t be wrong, no_

_Trying to keep doing it right, with you on my mind_

Beomgyu continued to sing, even when his fingers were shaking, even when his voice felt unsteady. He wanted Taehyun to know. He needed to know. When he was done singing, he opened his eyes and looked at love. Both of them stayed silent, so before he could chicken out, beomgyu gently asked, “Tyunnie, will you be my boyfriend?”

Taehyun was still silent and to be honest, it was starting to scare him. Beomgyu slowly placed his guitar down and was about to apologize when he felt the younger’s arms tightly wrapped around him. Beomgyu steadied himself on the bed, afraid that both of them might fall on the floor. The younger sat on his lap, arms still wrapped around beomgyu’s neck.

Love leaned in to place a tender kiss on beomgyu’s lips, and pulled away. With a charming smile love replied, “Took you long enough”

This time, beomgyu was the one to lean in, starting off their morning with another heart-stopping kiss. When they both pulled away to breathe, Love lightly laughed, cupping both his hyung’s cheeks he said, “You still need to learn a lot about cooking though.” which earned love a playful shove and plenty of tickle fights - spreading laughter and happiness throughout the whole apartment.

He was finally home, right here in the arms of love, his atlas.

  
END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were wondering, the titles of each chapter were love in greek terms, I also emphasized different love languages to differentiate the relationships a bit better. Here's a quick summary:
> 
> \- Ludus (playful, flirtatious, young love); Love Language: Quality Time  
> \- Agape (selfless, giving without expecting anything in return); Love Language: Acts of Service  
> \- Eros (sexual attraction, desire, loss of control); Love Language: Physical Touch  
> \- Philautia (understanding self-worth, self-love); Love Language: Gift Giving  
> \- Pragma (committed, mature, develops over time); Love Language: Words of Affirmation + a little bit of everything
> 
> \- - -
> 
> One of taegyu's scenes here about atlas was inspired by Nikita Gill's poem in Great Goddesses, it's a good read!  
> Also, these are the songs of the lyrics that were mentioned in the chapter:  
> Over and Over Again (Nathan Sykes), Our First Song (Joseph Vincent) and Can't We Just Leave The Monster Alive (TXT)
> 
> \-- interact with me on [ TWITTER ](https://twitter.com/choibinssi)  
> \-- ask me anonymously on [ CC ](https://curiouscat.qa/choibinssi)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed EOL as much as I had fun writing it, thank you for being with me in this story! <3


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